17.  Even when I'm grouchy, he still likes me.   

16.  He is my "things that go bump in the night" investigator.

15. When he isn't buckling babies in car seats, he opens my car door.

14.  He drives.  I don't have to.

13.  He likes to hold my hand while he's driving.  

12.  His glass is always half full.

11.  He paints/builds/moves stuff at my beck and call.

10.  He is the resident stir-fry maker.

9.  His eyes.

8.  He buys me cards and writes me love notes.

7.  He works hard to provide for his family.

6.  He lives it at home first and preaches it at church second.

5.  Laughter, lots of laughter.

4.  When life is hard, he doesn't give up or run away.

3.  His dad skills.

2.  He is my spider slayer.

1. He is still the one I kiss good night. 

Happy 17th Anniversary, Mr. Trent!

The couples in our church took the Date Night Challenge  (Three dates in three weeks plus one date each month for the rest of the year).  Sounds fun, right?  But for some of us just getting a date night is the challenge.  Especially, when we have small children. 

For the Chief and I, the challenge has at different times been breastfeeding, bedtimes, no babysitter, no extra funds... You get the idea.  But when faced with a challenge, we get creative and we overcome! 

When we had several littles and no bigs, we'd date-in.  Some of our date-ins have been:

1.  Popcorn and a movie.

2.  Card games.

3.  Ben and Jerry's (Chief's fave ice-cream, we'd find new flavors and enjoy together).

4.  Backyard star gazing.

5.  Front porch swinging. 

Between the hours of 9 and 11 PM, at least once a month (but probably more like once a week) the Chief or I planned/plan something we could/can do at home together.  So even with littles and the inability to go out, we still had/have dates.  I use the past and present tense because even though we no longer are a family of littles only we still plan these special evenings. 

Cold, bleak, rainy... some nights, you just can’t be bothered leaving the house -- even for a date.  Date-ins are perfect for lazy or cozy nights.  Stay-home dates are a wonderful, comfortable way to spend time together and reconnect. 

Do you have date nights at home?  What do you do?

My Friday love?  Recipes with simple ingredients already found in my pantry. 

On this Lowcountry rainy day, I am making these:

For them.  A sweet treat to celebrate the end of the week. 

The Chief and I are sneaking in a lunch date at the coffee shop.  Did you take the date night challenge?  Having a hard time fitting date night in?  Too busy?  Schedule conflicts?  Small children?  No sitter?  I'll be posting next week with tips on making date night work.  I hope those of you who made it through the season of only littles in the house can chime in with your advice. 

Our church held the 2nd annual Date Night Challenge (Focus on the Family) this past Friday night.  We laughed, we cried, we had a caterer... It was a good date night. 

(My friend, Heidi, took pics of all the couples and did the decorating.  She's awesome.)

There is still time to host this event in your church and/or you can take the challenge on your own (don't forget LHCers to go register for this).  Three dates in three weeks plus one date a month for the rest of the year.  By registering, you'll receive emails with tips and suggestions to make the most of the date night challenge.  

Every year on his birthday, I repost the same old thing.  I just can't help it.  This says it so well.

If we weren't already the Tribe and he our Chief...

We'd be a family circus and he'd be our fearless ringmaster...

the juggler of father, husband, son, brother, pastor, and friend...

brave tamer of fears, disappointments, and mistakes...

balancer of faith, family, and work...

the all important clown who brings laughter to my life...

Happy Birthday, Chief.  With all my love.

P.S.  Maybe next year I'll have some new material. 

Chief (22) and Me (19) 

16 years ago, today, at 1:00 in the afternoon (barely on time thanks to the hairdresser that I literally had to beg to not make me late for my own wedding) I promised to love and honor the chief.  I promised to grow old with him.  And I meant it. 

Here's the thing - as much as I meant it, I didn't really think it would happen (the growing old part).  Or at least I didn't think it would be happening so soon? 

On August 10, 1996, I promised to love him for richer and for poorer.  I just didn't know that we'd really experience the poorer. ha! 

In sickness and in health.  He had no idea that he'd love me through five pregnancies that would include puking every single day.  ugh.

We just knew we loved each other enough to last a lifetime.  And it is.  Lasting, I mean. 

I've kinda made this our song over the years: (Hey, Chief!  Remember that card I found that actually played this song?  That was an awesome card!)

(Pretend you don't know she got a divorce.)

Reposted each year because I want to remember:

He kept insisting that we go for a walk.  In February.  In the cold.  In the mud.  I’m not much for cold.  I’m not much for mud.  So, I was less than enthusiastic.  I feel awful about it, now.      

We walked along and talked. I looked out across Big Cedar Creek towards the mountains and when I turned back to him, he was on his knee, in the mud, pulling a ring out of his pocket.  “Will you marry me?”  Oh, yes!  

Engaged February 10, 1996.  Married August 10, 1996. 

We’ve had joy and happiness.  Been blessed beyond measure.  Laughter and love.  Lots of love. 

We’ve also had sadness and hurt. Trials and difficulties.

We’ve had bill paying, diaper changes, bathroom scrubbing, career changes, furniture moving, potty training, homeschooling, and teenagers.  

We’ve had disagreements.  Even fights. 

Six pregnancies.  Five babies.  Rocking, holding, hugging, and loving.  Worrying.

Through it all, I love him more.  So much more than that muddy knee day.

Marriage is worth fighting for.  It's worth sacrificing, apologizing, humbling yourself... It's worth the effort, the hard work, the time set-aside, emotions held in check... Marriage is worth the discipline to do what is needed to enjoy a lasting marriage. 

We have found some valuable resources to help couples invest in their marriages.

Check out the 5 Love Languages Assessment. 

This assessment gives valuable insight into how you feel loved and will give insight into how your spouse feels loved.  We knew a couple on the brink of divorce.  After assessing their love languages we discovered that the wife's love language was gifts.  She loved others and felt loved by giving and receiving gifts.  This was not at all the husband's love language.  He was very frugal and loved to save money.  Which unfortunately meant he gave very few gifts to his wife.  She was left feeling utterly unloved.  This assessment gave the husband the knowledge to love her in the way she feels loved (even if it did require that he spend money, it was a worthy investment) and showed the wife that he needed love in ways other than gifts. 

While you're there, check out all the valuable resources available, including assessments for children and teenagers (yay parents!). 

A second resource is a Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway. 

Life has a way of overwhelming a marriage. Jobs, kids, activities, errands. Before you know it, checking your e-mail is more important than carving out a date night. FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway is a chance to make a change. It’s a time to rediscover each other and find more intimacy in your life together.

If you are local to our area, Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway is coming to Hilton Head Island, SC, February 17-19.  See the website for complete details. 

Marriage is worth investing in.  It is worth fighting for.  It is worth maintaining.  May we guard our marriages closely and may our efforts be abundantly blessed! 

I married a good man.  The kind of man who has many times sacrificed his own wishes and desires for his wife, children, family, friends, community, and strangers. 

He has painted an entire house (twice).  Patiently moved objects "right, slightly left, barely right" more times than I can count.  Listened to my worries and fears.  Loved me despite my faults.  Demonstrated to me each day the love of Christ.  The day I married him I knew I loved him but I didn't know how much more I'd love him 15 years later.

I married a good man.  A good pastor.  Who sincerely seeks the Lord.  He seeks the Lord for his family, his church, his community... When he hears from the Lord, it is not something to be taken lightly.  I know this.  I know this because I know him. 

He does countless things each day that go unnoticed by those around him.  He sees a need.  Meets it.  Goes on like it was nothing.  He doesn't give to be seen.  He doesn't tell of his generosity.  Many times, I've watched as individuals have taken advantage of his generosity.  And that's okay with him too.  He did it for God anyway. 

I've watched him give more than he could afford to give and stared in disbelief as the recipient barely regarded it.  I've stood silently as others misrepresented his words or intentions and wondered if our hearts will ever recover from the devastation of their misleading?  Wondering if it will alter his generous spirit or love for those who do not love back?  Yet, he doesn't change.  He continues to give. 

He inspires me to live for others and challenges me to do the really hard things.  I’m a better woman, mother, wife because of him.

"The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."—Mother Teresa

This is my kind of man.

(Repost from March 2010)

Yes, I said the "s" word.  (Pretty please don't roll your eyes and click off to another blog...)  No, I am not brainwashed.  Yes, I am educated (college degree and all). 

I want to share with you what I've learned about submission.  Not from books and teachings.  Even though, that's great and important.  I want to share my own life experience. 

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Not long after our second anniversary, my husband was praying about a job change that would cause us to move to another state.  I remember him asking me if I trusted him to make this decision.  Giving that decision over to him was difficult for me but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do.  I wanted him to be the head of our home.  I chose submission.  

My submission brought about even more accountability for the Chief to submit to God.  He shared with me later, that he felt more conviction than ever to be truly seeking God's will for our lives.  He was accountable to God for himself and his family.  That thought made me realize that the my part was easier.  I did have to die to my selfishness and trust my loving husband to make good choices.  But by doing so, the Chief was responsible, accountable to God for our well-being. 

That is not to say it has been all "pie in the sky".  It hasn't.  We've had problems.  We've made mistakes.  But through it all, I've done my best to submit to his authority and he has done his best to seek God's will.  We are confident that following God's plan has been a credit to our marriage.  My husband respects my opinion.  Sometimes he has gone the way I advised.  Other times he hasn't.  I've learned to trust him.  I'm very cautious by nature.  He is much more willing to take risks.  Had I made all the decisions, we'd have missed out on some great opportunities. 

“Submission is knowing how to duck so God can hit your husband.”

Dr. Tony Evans

I think that’s what God is waiting on wives to do: get out of the way. When we stop trying to control everything, some really neat things start to happen.