1.  Loving couples who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage - are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with.  That's because true love looks for ways to be selfless when our tendency is to be selfish.  We live in a world that is enamored with "self."  The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires.  You can't act out of real love and selfishness at the same time.  When you prioritize the wellbeing of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions.  This is a benefit that God created and reserves for those who genuinely demonstrate love.  The truth is, when you relinquish your desires for the sake of your mate, you get a chance to lose yourself to the greater purpose of marriage. 

"Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). 

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you.  It's hard to care for something you are not investing in.  Buy your husband something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

2.  More often than you'd like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrate love.  But when God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.  That's because love comes from him.  The love that's demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate's sweetness or suitability.  The love between a husband and wife has one chief objective:  honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity.  The fact that it blesses our beloved in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit. 

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs.  Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you."  Thank God for the privilege of loving this one special person - unconditionally, the way he loves both of you. 

3.  Write out your wedding vows and place them in your home.  Remind yourself of the covenant you made and ask God to give you the strength to keep it.  Every marriage is called to be an earthly picture of God's heavenly covenant with his church.  It is to reveal to the world the glory and beauty of God's unconditional love for us.  Be an instrument of God's love to your husband. 

Your life together is before you.  Take hold of it and never let it go.

Valentine Dare, Introduction

Valentine Dare, week 1

Valentine Dare, week 2

Valentine Dare, week 3

Valentine Dare, week 4 

This post is late!  What can I say?  We're in the midst of moving!  We spent the weekend house hunting (more on that soon).  Made it back to Virginia late last night.  Breakfast, laundry, homeschool... Wow!  Is it really noon already?  You know those kinds of days...

Two weeks until Valentine's Day! Are you continuing in the dare from week 3?  I hope so! 

1. Did you choose a marriage mentor? 
2. I'd love to hear about your "date night"! 
3. I hope you are drawing strength from spending time each day in prayer and bible reading.  

Valentine Dare Week 4:

1.    If someone told you that by changing one thing about your marriage, you could guarantee with near 100 percent assurance that your life together would significantly improve, you would at least want to know what it was.  And for many couples, that "one thing" is the daily practice of praying together.  To some who've never experienced the power of prayer, this sounds ridiculous.  And if told that shared prayer is a key ingredient to marital longevity and leads to a heightened sense of sexual intimacy, they would think you had really gone too far.  But the unity that grows between a man and a woman who regularly pray together forms an intense and powerful connection. 

So, ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.  Talk about the best time to do this, whether it's in the morning, before bed, whenever...  Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord.  Don't forget to thank Him for His provision and blessings.  And if for some reason your husband doesn't want to do this, don't get discouraged.  Spend this daily time in prayer yourself.  You will still see the benefits.   

2.  Write a letter.  Put your love into the most powerful, personal words you can.  This is your chance to declare that no matter what imperfections exist - both in you and in your spouse - your love is greater still.  You accept this man as God's special gift to you.  You have purposed to love him no matter what.  Now, leave it in a place where he'll find it. 

3.  Be intimate.  In marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish.  It was created by God.  It's all part of celebrating what God has given.  The Song of Solomon is a beautiful love story.  It describes intimacy between a husband and wife in poetic detail.  You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse's sexual needs.  Ask God to give you the discernment for improving this part of your marriage.  All aspects of marriage require work and care to see the relationship flourish. 

We're on our way to a dynamic marriage!  The courtship certainly wasn't over once the "I do's" were said.  It was just beginning.  Pursue your husband.  Win his heart over again and again and again...  A lifetime of courting!  What could be more romantic?

Valentine Dare, Introduction

Valentine Dare, week 1

Valentine Dare, week 2

Valentine Dare, week 3

Valentine Dare, Concluded

Going through old pictures, recalling forgotten moments, and remembering when we first fell in love.  I had almost forgotten this slide show I put together last year for Valentine's Day ('09). 

This is the picture I chose for our bedside table,

I really like him. 

How's it going girls?  What pic did you choose?  Share a link so we can see. 

Is it really week 3 already?

1.  Take time this week to "date".  Whether you go out on a bonafide real date or simply put your kids to bed and enjoy some time together in your living room.  Maybe you can arrange a special dinner, just for the two of you.  Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you rarely talk about.  Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.  Ask questions.  Listen. 

2.  Be intentional this week about making a time to pray and read your Bible.  Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (There are 31.  A full month's supply.)  As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you.  Every day you place expectations on your spouse.  Sometimes they meet them.  Sometimes they don't.  But never will they be able to totally satisfy all the demands you ask of them - your spouse is human.  God, however, is not.  And those who approach Him in utter dependence each day for the real needs in their life are the ones who find out just how dependable He is.  God is your everyday supply.  Of everything you need.

3.  Find a marriage mentor - someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you.  Gaining wise counsel is like having a detailed road map and a personal guide while traveling on a challenging journey.  It can be the difference between continual success or the destruction of your marriage.  It is vital that you invite strong couples to share the wisdom they have gained through their own successes and failures.  Look for a person who has the kind of marriage you want. 

Every aspect of your life that you submit to God's principles will grow stronger and more long-lasting over time.  I dare you to give it all over to him! 

Valentine Dare, Introduction

Valentine Dare, week 1

Valentine Dare, week 2

Valentine Dare, Week 4

Valentine Dare, Concluded

It's been one week since we embarked on the Valentine Dare.  One week since we made the decision to demonstrate our love in hopes of improving our relationships.  To be honest, it's not been all "pie in the sky" for me. 

I love my husband.  He and I are bound by so much more than romance alone.  What is hard for me?  Patience.  Holding my tongue.  Yeah, those are pretty hard.  Unfortunately, our words are a reflection of our hearts.  Mine's not reflecting so great.  Bleh.  I'm not giving up.  I'm going to persevere in demonstrating patience and removing negativity from my communication.  My marriage is worth the hard work. 

The chief had to drive a good little distance this week to pick up some very important items.  After he returned home he realized the store had neglected to give him one of the very important items.  His schedule is 

t. i. g. h. t. 

He's finishing up big projects and hurrying some others along in anticipation of some upcoming life changes.  (I'll fill y'all in on that very soon.)  I could see the stress in his eyes as he was calculating when he'd next make it back to that store.  So, I offered to go in his stead.  Sounds easy enough? First off, the item was being purchased with store credit which meant we had to prove that I was him his wife.  Four kiddos had to tag along for the long ride and wait patiently in long lines.  Let's just say, the chief really appreciated it!  He thinks I'm sooo kind. 

That greeting thing?  Much improved.    That's all I'm saying about that.

So here we go, Week 2:

1.  Love is a choice, not a feeling.  It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction.  Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.  Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you.  Period.  I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."  You can give love to your spouse because God gives love to you - repeatedly.  Ask God to fill you with the kind of love only He can provide, then purpose to give it to your mate in a way that reflects your gratefulness to God for loving you.  That's the beauty of redeeming love.  That's the power of faithfulness.  

2.  Part of this choosing to love is to remember why you married your spouse.  Go back through the photo albums.  Search out photos of the two of you.  Something to remind you of the happy times.  Choose a photo to frame and put in a prominent place in your bedroom. 

Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one.  It's physical, spiritual, and emotional.  You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name.  Your identity as individuals has been joined into one.  When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it.  When you find success at your job, both of you rejoice.  You are a part of one another.  When you look at your mate, you're looking at a part of you.  So treat him well.  Speak highly of him.  Nourish and cherish the love of your life.  Together remember the happiness and love that brought you together.

3.  Begin praying today for your spouse's heart.  Choose three specific areas to pray over.  Areas that would transform your spouse's life and your marriage.  This is your chance to experience the power of prayer!  A farmer cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop.  He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit.  But he can plant seed into fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. 

God is sovereign.  He does things his way.  He doesn't submit to your every wish.  But he does love you and desires an intimate relationship with you.  That doesn't happen apart from prayer.  (Luke 18:1, Philippians 4:6-7, Acts 12:1-17)

The truth is The Love Dare and this Valentine Dare are really about you (and me).  They are really about changing us from the inside out.  Helping you (and me) become a more loving person.  And if we carry out each dare, our spouses will likely be affected and our marriages will begin to bloom! 

(Yep, I'm cheesy.)

Valentine Dare, week 3

Valentine Dare, week 4

Valentine Dare, Concluded

Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com

1.  The first part of this dare is fairly simple.  Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next week, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret. 

2.  In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.  Wasn't kindness one of the key things that drew you and your spouse together in the first place?  Even though the years can make day to day life seem mundane, your enjoyment in marriage is still linked to the daily level of kindness expressed. 

3.  When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases.  You feel more important and valued.  Think about your greeting.  Does your spouse feel valued and appreciated?  Do they feel loved?  Remember, love is a choice.  So choose to change your greeting.  Choose to love.  Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse this week.  Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm.  Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

If we are teachable, we will learn to do the one thing that is most important in marriage - to love.  Marriage is wonderful.  It is difficult.  It is life changing. 

May God bless us as we dare to love!

Valentine Dare, Introduction

Valentine Dare, Week 2

Valentine Dare, Week 3

Valentine Dare, Week 4

Valentine Dare, Concluded

I went to Walmart yesterday.  Which is remarkable for several reasons,

1. I've become a snowed in hermit.  (I'm not really snowed in.  I'm just pretending.) 
2. I don't like driving in the snow.  I had a car accident once in the snow.  I was 21.  (The chief reminded me that I'm not 21 anymore and our vehicle is 4WD.)  
3. I have to put makeup on to go to Walmart.  If I go to Walmart without makeup I will see the entire LHS Class of '94.  It's a rule of life.   
4. Snowed in hermits don't wear makeup.   

So I'm at Walmart and notice that their Valentine's aisle is geared up and ready to earn the big dollars.  I ♥ Valentine's Day.  I do not ♥ $5 cards. 

You can see how all those red and pink hearts got me to racking my brain for things to do for my Valentine.  Cause if you've been to Walmart, you're probably doing the same thing.  It's another rule of life. 

All that racking got me to remembering.  Remember November '08, when we did  The Love Dare?  That was cool wasn't it?  I want to do it again.  Only this time, let's do an abbreviated Dare for Valentine's Day.  We have five weeks leading up to Valentine's Day.  Will you join me for this challenge? 

Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, we need to be open to a new understanding of what it means to genuinely love someone.  The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling.  And when you truly demonstrate love, your relationship is more likely to change for the better. 

So each Monday, I'll post three dares for the week.  Schedule them however suits you best.  Some will be easy and some very challenging.  But take each dare seriously.  Be creative.  Be courageous.  The following Monday, drop us a comment on the post or a link to your own blog, sharing what you did and how it went.  It doesn't have to be super personal.  Just let us know you're "in". 

Will you take the dare?  Are you "in"?

Valentine  Dare, week 1

Valentine Dare, week 2

Valentine Dare, week 3

Valentine Dare, week 4

Valentine Dare, Concluded

This post is linked to Works For Me Wednesday.  For more Works for Me Wednesday, visit We Are THAT Family.