I once heard Chuck Swindoll say in a sermon, “Keep the home fires hot.”  Seriously, he said that.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, things to do for us married folk  (I highly recommend completing The Love Dare available at most bookstores):

1.  Pray.  I ask God to give me the heart of the Shulamite Woman in the Song of Solomon.  A heart for God and a heart for my husband.

2. Make an effort to “think romance”.  I may write a note for my husband, call to check on him as we go about our day, or even give him a special gift.  I prayerfully make a list of all the things I love about my husband.   I purpose to focus on the things that made me fall in love with him.  I make a point to say these things to him. 

3.  Greet your spouse with a kiss - often.

Canceling your cable really helps, too.   (Pretend I didn't say that.)

With Valentine’s Day approaching, I can’t help thinking romance.  Marriage is the ultimate fulfillment of romance. 

Society would lead us to believe that dating is where it's at.  "When you get married, the romance is over." That is so not true.

Romance before marriage:

Romance after marriage:

Both have beauty put the potential is not realized until full bloom. 

Remember, just like any flower, bloomed or not it has to be tended. 

Congratulations.  You've reached the end of the Love Dare - the book.  But the experience and challenge of loving your spouse is something that never comes to an end.  It goes on for the rest of your life.

The book ends at Day 40 but who says the dare has to stop? Actions to make habit,

1.  Practice patience.  Say nothing negative.

2.  Do unexpected gestures as acts of kindness.

3.  Buy him something that says, "I was thinking of you."

4.  Point out my husband positive attributes.

5.  Greet my husband with a kiss.

6.  Purposefully neglect an activity I would normally do to spend quality time with my husband.

7.  Prepare a special dinner for the two of us.

8.  Love is a choice, not a feeling.  Lead my own heart.

9.  Pray for my husband more often.

10.  Stay in touch with our marriage mentors, who by the way, are strong Christians and are honest and loving with us.   

Love is too holy a treasure to trade in for another, and too powerful a bond to be broken without dire consequences.  Fasten your love afresh on this one the Lord has given you to cherish, prize, and honor.  Your life together is before you.  Dare to take hold of it and never let go. 

We are nearing the end of this journey.  I've learned so much about myself.  My eyes have been opened to new ways to "tend" to our marriage.  Ways I wasn't aware of previously. 

Are you having difficulties in your marriage?  We all do sometime or another and in one way or another.  Don't make the mistake of trying to work it out by yourself.  Get help!  Now!  There is nothing that will have a greater impact on your life than making your marriage work.  It's worth the investment.  No matter how great the sacrifice or how difficult the effort. 

My husband has this verse on his business cards, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."  Proverbs 15:22.  We've learned, in every area of life, this proves true. 

Mighty sequoia trees tower hundreds of feet in the air and can withstand intense environmental pressures.  Lightning can strike them, fierce winds can blow, and forest fires can rage around them.  But the sequoia endures, standing firm, only growing stronger through the trials. 

One of the secrets to the strength of the giant tree is what goes on below the surface.  Unlike many  trees, they reach out and interlock their roots with the sequoias around them.  Each becomes empowered and reinforced by the strength of the others.

The secret to the sequoia is also a key to maintaining a strong, healthy marriage.  A couple that faces problems alone is more likely to fall apart during the tough times.  However, the ones who interlock their lives in a network of other strong marriages radically increase their chances of surviving the fiercest of storms.  It is crucial that a husband and wife pursue godly advice, healthy relationships, and experienced mentors.

Why waste years of your life learning painful lessons when you could discover those same truths during a few hours of wise counsel?  Why not cross the bridges others have built?  Wisdom is more valuable than gold.  Not receiving it is like letting priceless coins pass through your fingers. 

I dared you to finish and you almost have.  Now let's see this through "till death do us part".

Sacrifice.  Leading your heart.  Putting your spouses needs ahead of your own.  There's a theme in this whole Love Dare...

I chose him to be the love of my life.  I can choose to love him the rest of my life. 

We are not powerless to the whims of our hearts.  We are not powerless to our feelings. 

One spouse falls in love with someone else.  Gets caught in the affair.  Separation and divorce ensues.  A brief time later said person marries new "love".  Someone says, "Dude, Way to follow your heart!"  

It's foolish.  The world says, "Follow your heart!"  This is the philosophy of new age gurus, self-help seminars, and romantic pop songs.  Because it sounds romantic and noble, its sells millions of records and books.  The problem is that following your heart usually means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment whether or not it actually is right.  It means throwing caution and conscience to the wind and pursuing your latest whims and desires regardless of what good logic and counsel are saying.  The Bible says, "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). 

First, you need to understand that your heart follows your investment.  Whatever you pour your time, money, and energy into will draw your heart.  This was true before you were married.  You wrote letters, bought gifts, and spent time together as a couple, and your heart followed.  When you stopped investing as much in the relationship and started pouring yourself into other things, your heart followed you there.  If you are not in love with your spouse today, it may be because you stopped investing in your spouse yesterday. 

Take the dare.  Invest in your spouse.  Even if you don't "feel like it".  Purpose to lead your heart and not foolishly follow your feelings.

Fellow, Love Dare-ers.  We can stay the course.  Come throwup or croup.  Come what may...  We are 31 days into our dare.  Only nine days left.  But it doesn't stop there does it?

Sweet husband, you know the way this works.  Thanks for not reading my post. 

I don't mind fixing a candlelight supper for the two of us.  I enjoy buying him a gift to let him know I'm thinking about him.  I find calling him during his day to see if he needs me to do anything for him very pleasant. 

It's the dares that focus on behavior and attitude...  What's up with that?  Y'all know there's nothing wrong with me. Okay, there are a couple of things I could change.  

It. Is. Hard. 

Difficult or not, here's what I know, I want to stay married.  Forever.  And ever.  Marriage is not a feeling.  It is a decision.  Husbands and wives disagree.  They have real problems.  Now, y'all I'm married to a good man.  As good as he is, sometimes he gets on my nerves.  I'm sure I return the favor to him occasionally. 

I come from a divorced home.  It stinks, hugely.  Divorced people argue just as much as married people.  They have real problems.  They even have extra real problems called "ex" and "step" (gasp).  And they sometimes get on each others nerves. 

Hmmm. 

"Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7

"How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding."  Proverbs 3:13

"The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire." Isaiah 58:11

I'm resolute in that I will choose to love him.  I will finish this dare.  Even if it is hard.  After all, the best things in life usually are.  

Last minute Christmas Shopping?  Buy yourself The Love Dare and give your husband the gift of honoring him for forty days. 

One of the most important things you should learn on your Love Dare journey is that you should not just follow your heart.  You should lead it.  You don't let your feelings and emotions do the driving.  You put them in the back seat and tell them where you're going.

The responsibility is yours to relearn what you love about this one to whom you've promised yourself forever.

No other person in the world is supposed to enjoy this level of commitment and endearment from you.  Your relationship is like no other.  You share physical intimacy with only her, only him.  You establish a home with this person.  You bear your children with this person.  Your heart, possessions, your life itself is to be wrapped up in the uncommon bond you share with this one individual.

Love honors even when it's rejected.  Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return.

That's what love dares to do - to say, "Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most.  Of all things I'm willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you.  With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults - past and present - I will choose to love and honor you."  That's how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled.  That's how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again.  And that's the beauty of honor.

Buy this book.  Read it.  Do it.  Your life will be changed forever. 

Dear husband, don't forget!  You can't read this.  Thanks.

Awww, man!  It was a busy week!  I had trouble carving out time to read each day's dare and trying to complete it, yikes!  But you know what?  This is important.  So, I made the time.  I am soooo glad I did. 

My favorite dare this week - Day 8.  I loved burning the list of negative attributes. 

 "Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed." 

That was definitely the best day!  I love being his biggest fan!  Burning the negative attributes just reinforced all the things that I love about him. 

But I have to say that Day 9 was a close second, "Greet one another with a kiss of love." 1 Peter 5:14.  Someone should totally write a song about the "kiss of love".  Umm, maybe they already did???

"If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand."  Mark 3:25

"Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4

This 40-day challenge forces me to focus daily on my marriage in ways I've never thought of.  Whether a marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare fosters a deeper marriage.  The kind of marriage with "grit".  That hangs on for the duration.  What marriage doesn't need some grit?

I'm finding romance in real life.  Not the romantic hopes of a dating couple but the romance of a real life marriage between two people with imperfections.  The kind of romance that is based on unconditional love.  I'm learning to protect and guide my heart. 

Week 3 overview:  (Things that might require extra time and preparation)

Day 18:  "Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.  The dinner can be as nice as you prefer.  Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about.  Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate."

This one is a little tricky to pull off with four kiddos but I have a plan.... mawhhhaaahaaa (sneaky grin, rubbing my hands together)... 

So, tell me...  What did you do out of the ordinary for your spouse?  (Day 10)

We've completed week 1 of the Love Dare.  My favorite dare was the act of kindness.  My least favorite dare was asking him three things that annoy him about me.  In a very diplomatic way, he said he'd have to think about it for awhile because nothing immediately came to mind (awwww!  Smart guy.)  He did think of three things, btw. 

How precious also are Your thoughts to me ... How vast is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.  Psalm 139:17-18

When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally.  You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. 

Let's return to when we first fell in love.  Let's spend hours dreaming, wondering, and thinking of our husbands. 

Here's what's on the agenda for this week - Week 2 overview (things that need extra thought or preparations):

Day 10 - Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car.  Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite dessert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage. 

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation.  But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings.  Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.  You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.

Take the dare!