Yesterday I shared about my concept of confrontation which is actually restoration.  As a pastor's wife, I have witnessed confrontations gone so very wrong.  Oh how it grieves me when people with their own agenda cause someone to stumble. 

"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!" Matthew 18:7

Talebearers who cause someone's heart to fill with bitterness and hate because they misrepresent words.  Hearts set on destruction or led by pride who inflict hurt beyond comprehension.  Revenge seekers when God's word clearly says vengeance is His.  Individuals who pass judgement on the spiritual depth of others and choose to enlighten them. 

May we always go forward trusting God with offenses. Even overlooking offenses.  Slow to confront and then confronting with the attitude of restoration as God's ambassador.  May we choose Ephesians 2:10,

"For we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

May we use our words and actions to encourage, to love, and to do the good works He intended for us. 

As a pastor's wife, I have been witness to many meetings that hurt me deeply.  It is hard to not walk away and wonder if others read the same bible I read?  That sounds harsh doesn't it?  I don't mean for it to.  I know people aren't perfect but I do wish they would filter everything through love.   It is the awesome grace of God, his boundless love, and his ever-present help that give us a reason to turn from our sin. Scripture says that it is the kindness of God that leads people to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Some people in the church seem to love fulfilling their concept of confrontation. What gets lost in translation is that the biblical model of confrontation is to RESTORE.  Not to offend.  Not to punish or ostracize.  But to restore others to the body.  Restore them in their walk with God in love. 

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly  should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself."  Galations 6:1-2

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.  And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."  Matthew 18:15-17

Before we can confront others we must remember to examine our own heart.  Confrontation always begins with our own hearts.  We must be sure we are dealing with our own issues.  Remember that confrontation is not based on our opinion of the person. We are there as an ambassador and our job is to faithfully represent the message of the King.  To humbly recognize who we ourselves really are by admitting our own need for the Lord’s forgiveness.  Remembering our own need allows us to be patient and forgiving with the one to whom God has called us to minister. 

Confrontation is a command for all believers but it must be carried out with love and with the humble acknowledgment that the next one who needs to be restored might be … me.

Thanks friends for reading this.  Unfortunately, I am "preaching to the choir".  It is very theraputic to write about my thoughts.  You are good friends to read them. 

The day I married the Chief my brother sang, "I'll go there with you".  Fifteen years later, I've gone "there" with the Chief.

I learned a lesson some time ago that I'd like to pass on to you.

Around the time I was expecting baby number three, the Chief was a bivocational pastor.  A young couple whose parents were a part of our congregation had a lovely wedding planned at our church with the Chief officiating. 

Imagine my surprise when the Thursday before their wedding, I went for a baby checkup and was told to go home and get my suitcase.  I had developed preeclampsia.  My blood pressure wasn't doing good things and an induction was scheduled to begin that evening. 

After a long night, I delivered our baby girl on Friday morning. 

The Chief was reluctant to leave me and wanted to call on another pastor to officiate the rehearsal and wedding.  I just hated that the Chief would miss this important event and I insisted he go.  Friday evening the rehearsal and Saturday afternoon the wedding.  I told my doctor he couldn't release me until my husband got back from the wedding.  My dear sleepless husband, ran back and forth from wedding, hospital, checking on the older children, and back to the hospital.  He was run ragged.  I was aching to see him and the older children.  Even still, I believed it was a worthy sacrifice. 

Fast forward one year.  Tragically this couple filed for divorce.  Just one short year later.  Irreconcilable.  Really really sad.  Plain awful.

Now, years later the couple and their family strive to forget a weekend that I will never forget.  They don't want to remember but I will always remember.  I will always know how many years ago.  I will always know how long it "would have been". 

The lesson I learned?  I should have listened to my husband.  I shouldn't have insisted he do the wedding.  The cost to us was too great.  It was a special time that we will never have back and instead of enjoying it, we were running a marathon.  Here, there, and apart.  It was all for nothing.  There are plenty of preachers, but only one husband to me and only one father to my kids.  Lesson learned.  The hard way.