I absolutely know that I'm a nerd.  It was never more apparent than when I married a free spririt.  (If you listen or read Dave Ramsey, you know that he says, typically every marriage has a nerd and a free spirit.)  I'm the bill payer, bookkeeper, and other nerdy stuff.  The Chief is the fun finder, suprise generator, and other free sprited stuff!  (His role sounds so much more exciting than mine!)

The other day, as I was on our latest adventure with my free spirit, I realized that without him my nerdy tendencies would leave my life pretty boring.  I think every nerd needs a free spirit.  And of course, every free spirit needs a nerd. 

Having a free spirit in my life makes it complete!  He adds all the things I'd be missing and in turn I make sure that we're good with the IRS and power company.  Together we make a really good life!  We can embrace our differences and enjoy the benefits of our balanced choices. 

Opposites attract. If two people just alike get married, one of you is unnecessary. - Larry Burkett

I read an article last week that really made me think.  It was about developing a mission statement for your marriage. 

The Chief and I have a notebook that we call "Trent Tribe Destination".  In it we have goals, hopes, and prayers for our entire family.  We have a section devoted to our family as a whole, our marriage, ourselves as individuals, and each of our children.  We take time periodically to review it, change it, add to it, and best of all mark off the goals we've achieved. 

I wish we could take credit for coming up with this concept but it was actually our pastors, Jeff and Peggy Williams from Virginia who gave us this suggestion during a sermon series they did on parenting.  The point they made is that in order to arrive at a particular place you have to have a plan (a map, gps, etc...).  You don't accidentally end up where you want to go, you have to purpose each day to do something to get you closer to your goal.  That resonated in us.  (And that's how we got the title "Trent Tribe Destination".)  

Reading the article last week reminded me of the importance of our little notebook.  It made me think of some things I'd like to add to our marriage section.  Want to make a marriage mission statement of your own?  Here's some great inspiration:

Personal Mission Statement Example

Today's Housewife Marriage Mission Statement

Be A Better Spouse Challenge Tip #5: Create a Marriage Mission Statement

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day."

I know y'all have seen them – the sweet little old couples still holding hands and looking as in love as the day they were married. 

I wanna be one of those. 

Early in our marriage my husband came home from a men's conference and said, "What can I do for you today?" He asked again the next day.  And the next day...and the next day...  At first I was a little surprised by the question but then I started to think, "I'm not going to let him outdo me!"  So I started to do the same thing.  It kinda became a game between us to see who could outserve one another.  It's been nearly fifteen years and the game continues. 

So what are ways you can “outserve” your spouse?  It might be the little “extra” things you do for them. Sometimes it is simple as sticking a little “I love you” note where they'll find it, sending a quick, encouraging text during the day, or a “surprise” for them at the end of their day. The chief's fave little surprise?  Diet Mt. Dew.  It can be planning a surprise date night, it can be renting a movie to watch when the kids go to bed, and it can be simply praying for them throughout the day. There are lots of great ways to "outserve" our spouses.  

Best of all, in the end, no one loses! 

As I am honoring the Fathers in my life, I am taken back to the Old Testament account of blessing found in Genesis 27:24-40.  The account of how Jacob deceived his father Isaac and stole his brother Esau's blessing. 

Through this biblical account we learn that the most powerful gift we can give to our children, our spouse, our family members, our friends is blessing.  Old Testament families clearly understood blessing brought empowerment and much good. Blessing helps people achieve their potential and live their dreams. Blessing helps people find inner strength.

What happens if we don’t receive blessing from those we love? It is intensely heart wrenching when we are either denied a blessing or we lose it through deeply harsh words from those we love. Families that withhold or deny blessings hurt their children. Wives that criticize, speak bitterly or deny blessings hurt their husbands.  Rejection and ridicule can be bitter pills to swallow. 

What if my husband or my children have so much more they could accomplish?  I only need to believe in them.  I need to tell them I believe in them and then I can just sit back and watch what they achieve.  My blessing empowers them.

(Sandy Cove, Maryland.  2008.)

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.  For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The old Swedish motto is true: "Shared joy is a double joy. Shared sorrow is half a sorrow."

All of us have known times of struggle, vulnerability, and conflict.  The mutual lending of strength to one another, walking through life together is simply put, sharing the load!  Sharing the load is much easier than carrying the load. 

Dear Chief, thanks for sharing my load.  Thanks for doing life with me!  I love you!

This week's Love Dare  focus is praying for your spouse and praying together.  Choose three specific areas to pray for your spouse.  Areas that would transform your spouse's life and your marriage.  This is your chance to experience the power of prayer!  A farmer cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop.  He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit.  But he can plant seed into fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. 

Today as I spent time praying for the three specific things for the Chief, I decided to tidy up the master bedroom.  It isn't very big but I want it to be relaxing and stress free.  As I prayed about the first thing, I changed the sheets.  I started decluttering the room and praying over the second thing.  It was a wonderful feeling to see the room transforming and to know that God is working a transformation in the areas of prayer as well.  By the third thing, I was dusting the furniture and lighting a scented candle. 

When I look at photos of us, I remember why I married the Chief.  It reminds me of the happy times.  Every couple needs a framed photo in a prominent place in the bedroom.  Not just a wedding photo.  A recent photo too. 

Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one.  It's physical, spiritual, and emotional.  You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name.  Your identity as individuals has been joined into one.  When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it.  When you find success at your job, both of you rejoice.  You are a part of one another.  When you look at your mate, you're looking at a part of you.  So treat him well.  Speak highly of him.  Nourish and cherish the love of your life.  Together remember the happiness and love that brought you together. (Love Dare)

Happy "Love Daring" this week, friends!  Next Sunday (4/10) is our final week.  

Great marriages don't happen because couples stop sinning and failing one another.  That's impossible.  Great marriages happen because we learn to forgive one another.   Over and over and over.... 

Forgiveness begins when we choose to grant others the same UNDESERVED grace that we receive. 

"Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Eph 4:32

Let it go.  Unforgiveness has imprisoned you too long.  Choose to forgive. 

Sacrifice.  Leading your heart.  Putting your spouse's needs ahead of your own.  There's a theme in this whole Love Dare...

I chose him to be the love of my life.  I can choose to love him the rest of my life. 

We are not powerless to the whims of our hearts.  We are not powerless to our feelings. 

You've seen it.  I've seen it.  One spouse falls in love with someone else.  Gets caught in the affair.  Separation and divorce ensues.  A brief time later said person marries new "love".  Someone says, "Dude, Way to follow your heart!"   And that, friends, makes me want to puke. 

It's foolish.  The world says, "Follow your heart!"  This is the philosophy of new age gurus, self-help seminars, and romantic pop songs.  Because it sounds romantic and noble, its sells millions of records and books.  The problem is that following your heart usually means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment whether or not it actually is right.  It means throwing caution and conscience to the wind and pursuing your latest whims and desires regardless of what good logic and counsel are saying.  The Bible says, "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). 

Purpose to lead your heart and not foolishly follow your feelings. 

Fellow Love Dare-ers, we're 21 days into our dare.  Only 19 left.  Stay the course! 

Did you know that statistics say your marriage won't last?  Did you know that society expects your marriage to end in divorce?  Did you know the Love Dare is about transforming and defying the low expectations of marriage? 

No one is plotting to make your life miserable.  What is being asked is that you make a decision.  Decide to do what's right, even when it means sacrificing your own comfort.  Even when you don't FEEL like it. 

One of the most important things you should learn on your Love Dare journey is that you should not just follow your heart.  You should lead it.  You don't let your feelings and emotions do the driving.  You put them in the back seat and tell them where you're going.

That's what love dares to do - to say, "Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most.  Of all things I'm willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you.  With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults - past and present - I will choose to love and honor you."  That's how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled.  That's how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again.  And that's the beauty of honor.

Read it.  Do it.  Your life will be changed forever.

This is when it gets tough.  Life is busy and we're tempted to cut short our time reading The Love Dare.  We're tempted to push the easy button on the dares.  It's human nature.  Some of us may have never seen anything through to the end.  It's true.  Lots of us struggle with follow through.  We are all tempted to take the short cuts in life.  But you know what?  This is important.  The most important thing we'll ever do.  So, make the time.  Right here, right now, recommit to this week.  Recommit to seeing this through to the end.   

My favorite dare this week?  Day 8. 

 "Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed." 

That was definitely the best day!  I love being his biggest fan!  Burning the negative attributes is like "the sea of forgetfulness".  I choose to forget the negative and focus on the positive.  I choose to remember the best and think the best.  Even better - he was suppose to do this for me!  Isn't it wonderful to know that someone is choosing to remember the best about you!     

I just have to say that Day 9 was a close second, "Greet one another with a kiss of love." 1 Peter 5:14.  I like books that recommend more kissing. 

Whether a marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare fosters a deeper marriage.  The kind of marriage with "grit".  A marriage that hangs on for the duration.  What marriage doesn't need some grit?

We're finding romance in real life.  Not the romantic hopes of a dating couple but the romance of a real life marriage between two people with imperfections.  It's a beautiful thing. 

So tell me, what's your favorite dare so far?